1. |
1.PASTEL HOUSES
02:41
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1. Pastel Houses
I had a dream once,
we had a house out by the beach.
It was cold, and you were wet.
You shivered silver steam.
Like any morning I could feel-
The air try to steal my breath.
And crush it with her heel.
You helped me breathe
a pair of swans-
"They mate for life, and wear white dresses just like mine"
You were so pale, and I liked beautiful girls that looked strung out but weren't.
I liked roughed spines, and loved sunken eyes. I could stand in these soaking wet shores until they crystallize.
I had so many confessions to make, and I still do. Things I'd drank in my coffee, and others I drowned in booze. Observant, as dog, whose master who has food. The things you have filled me with, have emptied me too.
It's about good old fashioned love letters-
my sickness, those secret feathers.
It's about our bodies-
The push and pull.
About your body heat while mine retreats.
It's about the bends and folds-
And our homemade recipes.
We cast each other's names in glass-shattering distortion.
I have burnt my very tongue-
Keeping my soul warm for your return.
It's about the wicks that we burned out, or blew.
Hills divided by waterfalls, vineyards, and cabins.
It's about the trunk full of letters, in your room.
It's about badlands.
It's about your lonely shaking hands.
California sunsets,
And ankles shackled by our pants.
It's about the past. A past that still hasn't stopped shaking.
A past that can still hear your voice when I don't feel like talking.
And I can still feel you fill me like a living room that was only ever meant to be a set.
So who's house am I still haunting.
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2. |
2. SILVER ARROW
02:42
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Getting lost with you, in sheets made of sweat. Let me squeeze your name of color, distort your each and every breath.
Pull loose the fabrics of your dress-
Let the fringes kiss our feet-
let us break the weeping thread.
And Let your tumescent dreams float freely through the room.
Pull the light into your dress-
Dye your flesh with jagged shapes of heat.
Bring me kingdoms traced in billboards.
Bring me spaces made of hills.
Strain the poison from of the sun-
Kiss my collar, till I wilt.
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3. |
3. HYDROGEN WOMAN
01:03
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Come sit, share with me my access company. I'm warmer than that heater, and I can kiss you on your cheek.
Come, stand here with me. Watch the worn floor for splinters. We can dance in the lights that burned out last week.
Come, unplug things here, with me. I don't want to hear the fridge run, because it's steps are louder than yours.
Come stand, or sit, or dance, or lay.
I don't care what you do, just keep moving, just keep me awake.
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4. |
4. LANGUISH
10:01
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We swam out to climb the smoke stacks.
Through a valley made of ash.
held out our hands to burning gas-
And wrote our names in frozen sand.
We got breakfast here in town-
And held your hands below the table.
There was mud inside your hair-
Held together like thick cables.
I remember how your legs looked-
In the diners early lighting.
It's an image I can summon-
Just by being cold and drying.
I taste her lips inside my head-
They only taste like gas.
Did I ever tell you who I kissed-
While I was dying last?
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5. |
5. COMMAND
01:03
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I let my master close my eyes, she decides when the day becomes the night. She decided what aroused me and why. She made me look her in the eyes.
Rapism-
Psychological condition in which sexuoerotic arousal and facilitation of orgasm are dependent on the surprise attack and continued violent assault on a non-consenting, terrified, and struggling stranger.
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6. |
6. BREATH//BODY
03:53
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Bruising-
Drowning-
Looking into-
Her eyes-
Terrifying-
Tornado-
Irritated veins-
Outweigh-
Too much-
Feel week-
Held on for-
Breakup-
Goodbye-
Drive-
Too embarrassing to show her-
Quitting-
Six hours-
Look at-
Your self-
Naked-
Lack-
Eating-
Sharp-
Hip bones-
Touch-
Her-
Hips-
First thing-
I went to-
Use-
The same shampoo-
That she does-
She was the vase-
Water-
Bones-
Door hinges-
She gave-
Reason-
Live-
Nobody-
Has her-
You'll covet-
Air-
Air-
Too many-
Stairs-
Osceola, her-
Cold-
Hands-
Soaking wet-
Hair-
Her-
Cold hands-
Nothing beneath-
White dress-
Tripod, her cold-
Hands-
Her-
Cold hands-
Her-
Hands-
You can't look-
Waterfalls-
Her hands-
Because of her hands-
Controller-
Her hands-
She hated-
So she-
Turned-
Her hands-
She made-
Origami hearts-
Her hands-
Helped you breath-
Her hands-
Sleep-
Wake up-
Too warm-
Middle of the-
Night...
Electric blanket-
Too high-
Your bodies don't fit-
Together like they-
Used-
This is the first-
and meant-
Your body did fit-
Lipstick-
She was wearing-
Promised-
Done cheating-
She promised-
She loved-
Me-
Just a soul-
Your mouth-
Happy-
Hope-
She misses you-
The way-
Looking-
Her eyes-
Her-
Hand-
Is no longer-
On me.
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7. |
7. BEAR LAKE
01:40
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5:48 a.m. On a beautiful Wednesday.
She's bathing in the eclipse of a "tip-toeing-shadow" and the the alternating glimmer of the lake.
She bends light around her waist. Great pressure until it breaks. She is a quicksilver seraph with bones that hold her shape.
The Suns manipulating rays- The morning alchemist turning lead to gold like she has turned my ways.
She bends light around her waist. Great pressure until it breaks. She is the smoke getting caught within your clothes, and she can never be erased.
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8. |
8. WILD OCEAN (COLD)
03:00
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I gently rest on you my hands.
Reshape you like the ocean does the sand.
Gathered your wrists inside my palms-
Laying skin to skin, pushing shudders through the calm.
My weathered smile, reformed renewed.
Color returns, I regain my hue.
For a while I refused
To believe the smile on my face was all because of you.
You must have done something right,
or filled some sort of gap,
Because every noise that's not your voice just sounds like breaking glass.
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9. |
9. URCHIN
01:33
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It's such a shame where time sneaks off to.
What it steals and how it wears you.
How it fills your lungs and kills you.
How makes you sleep and where.
I touched your thigh and bit your lip and timed-
How long it took the wooden floor to freeze.
I kissed you, and the water was appeased.
Spines stuck in your heel like splinters-
Water in your lungs that wouldn't leave.
I felt your breath itch my lungs, coughs whisper.
I felt the walls tense up and shake themselves alive.
I let my master close my eyes-
She decides when the day becomes the night.
I keep the past in these scarlet painted cupboard.
I sleep along a carpet, stained to prove I suffered.
Wishing you still loved me-
Is my favorite guilty pleasure.
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10. |
10. FORTRESS
02:44
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In all my life, I've never seen-
Something grow as quick as I have to you.
We are the tangled roots.
We've entered the room-
Crashing through windows.
Climbing the walls, glass halls that are see through.
We are the green conclave.
A fortress of glass-
A sunder ing breeze-
I knew you were coming-
A pain in my knees told me you were there.
But it's worse when you're not there.
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11. |
11. MEMORY HOST
03:15
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Sometimes I can still smell you on my clothes. I can feel your warmth.
I help you reanimate, I help you form.
I piece you together, from old photos and articles of clothing. I take you like potion or poison, in milligrams or ounces- how ever I can get it.
I feel you next to me when the rain slips through my sun roof-- when my seat belt is too hot--when there's snow between my toes, because my boots were too much work to just put on.
I feel you freezing in my blood.
And I'm far to slow to touch you in my dreams.
She keeps a trunk. Brown with tweed and rich tanned leather.
Photographs, of her- her secret lover, their secret letters.
I study shaky writing until I knew how to be just like him.
I learned to speak with someone else's lips-
So who are we, really, when we kiss.
I watched her cling to a dying romance-
It's fresh corpse still warm.
Old photos of them, post cards,-
Just like ours-
There's a house out by the water.
Where swans swim through silver mist.
The door hinges creek just like your wrists.
I visit it still, sometimes.
I picture us coming and going-
But mostly I'm alone.-
Close the curtains.
Because shadows show so dark on these pale pink walls- and I'm skittish when I'm here alone.
I keep the past in these scarlet painted cubbards.
I hide beneath the carpet, stained to prove I suffered.
I curse you as im dying for the gray hair.
Floodlights through the curtain, where your dress still dries.
A silver glow- a passing shadow.
I cursed you, because no one, mixed colors like you do.
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12. |
12. APART
03:18
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Cleaning my room,
Cut my hand on the frame.
Being apart,
Gets simple with age.
There's pine in the breeze,
A scent that always kept me.
And The lights that slept in your spine.
That I can still.
Still fogging windows in your driveway,
Still warming shrines in crushing phase.
Still bleeding hazel out of drunken dreams.
Reshaping slowly just to fit you shape.
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13. |
13. LUNGS//HUNGER
02:29
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Outside behind the cabin, I watched your eyes turn white.
To match the color of your chest, beneath the fringed and feathered dress-
Transparent as the wind that bends the pine.
I obeyed this time.
As we sat against the door, we licked our wounds.
We prayed until our lips quit turning blue.
Hot water fills the bath, I see you in two rooms-
Maybe I'm just seeing things, breathing all those fumes.
I'm exhausted.
Your breath left my lungs a holy mess-
Burning Paper lanterns, I tore your dress-
we stained it red-
You cracked your head against the edge-
Of the bathtub-
We ruined the wooden floor.
Your eyes were rings of swollen light, and mine were blooming novas.
I still see you decorating the un hinged door in our bedroom.I still feel your phantom touch, your hand over the hole inside my lung.
I watch your dress sway, left to dry in the broken window-
I watch the wind pull the covers off the bed.
I watch you pulling pieces of urchin spine out of your foot- I mix epsom salt in water- fold the blankets neat.
I see your failing naked body warped by heat,
cooling off against the bed sheets-
And wild breeze
I still follow your hands as they traced across my chest,
I can see your fingernails, marks of red where they were pressed.
Why am I speaking of you as if you're dead.
Holy lungs and early spring,
The floating clothes, the drifting stream.
Your dress gets caught against a rock-
Over the falls the rest are lost.
Our bodies, my lungs, the trouble it was to breathe.
Don't blame our bodies for trying to make peace.
Take me to your lair, weave me through the thickets.
Bury my soul where the mud is the thickest.
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14. |
14. CEMETERY WREATH
01:44
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-
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15. |
15. SEA SPLINTERS
00:59
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I searched for hours for your necklace in the grass.
Took your picture so my eyes could just relax.
Felt tension, crushed the nerves and burned out fast.
Watched you sleep inside the bathtub, still as glass.
I moved your stone out of the cupboard, left a scratch.
The broken geode that we found and each kept half.
I hear you in the ring of empty bottles as they crash.
So I fill the room with humming from the fan.
Moved the book shelf to paint the living room.
Picked a color to match your skin.
Painted mint walls, the same pink-
As the wooden floor would rub your knees.
And no one mixed colors like you did.
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16. |
16. WILD OCEAN (WARM)
05:43
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I wanted to fill your lungs, I didn't want you to drown just wanted you to breathe me.
I wanted to fill your lungs, I didn't want you to drown just wanted you to breathe me.
I wanted to fill your lungs, I didn't want you to drown just wanted you to breathe me.
I wanted to fill your lungs. I didn't want you to die, just wanted you to love me.
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17. |
17.BIRDS//PARADISE
01:08
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601.
I remember this place.
The small noises you'd make.
In the corner where the bed frame,
Lays and still shakes for me in my head.
Quakes.
Falls silently dead.
Again.
601.
Paper thin walls.
I remember this place.
The shapes your face made.
The way your waist played.
3 intimate words.
Each one, a shaking, slamming door.
My body does it's chores.
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18. |
18. CAIRN
03:32
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-
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19. |
19. SOLARIUM SCENE
02:43
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Whistle just to whistle, put your hands out-
Feel the rain.
Whistle just to whistle,
feel the snow.
Whistle just to whistle meant to do it just because.
Whistle just to whistle, there are splinters in your kneecaps.
Whistle just to whistle, my fingernails in your back.
Whistle just to whistle paint the living room-
Whistle just to whistle breathe the fumes.
While you were mixing paint you caught me staring down your shirt.
"Whistle just to whistle" she said hurt her just to hurt.
What God made you?
Because my God never mixed colors like you did.
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20. |
||||
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You are strawberry soda on days I want strawberry soda.
You are red chlorine, you are infinite beauty.
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21. |
21. INDIAN RING
04:18
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A world I built with you-
In a tiny silver ring.
Breathing.
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22. |
22. LAKE SUPERIOR
04:57
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What god made you-
Because my god-
Whose world did you burn out by coming here.
What god made you-
Because my god-
Whose souls do you come bearing this far north.
I learned to die while you were out-
With all your friends.
These clouds are making me feel you.
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23. |
23. CASTLE DANGER
02:52
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24. |
24. DRAINED
01:47
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Get drunk and look for ghosts.
Get high and run from ghosts all night.
1:24 am buying milkshakes.
I'm very high, I love you.
I wonder when the ghosts slept last.
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25. |
25. REPURE
04:38
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There was no love, an imitation,
Or rather lack or limitation.
We slept too much near the lake.
You had a form, You had a function.
It seems that both, were my destruction.
I lost myself in the lake.
You let your dress, hang and sway,
Left to dry, the broken pane.
We washed away the stains in the lake.
The alpine dress, does it still hang?
In the closet, in the frame?
Say, does it still smell like the paint.
Say Did you ever suffer that way?
Say did you-
Ever suffer-
The same way?
Did I drag out your day?
Was I controlled appropriately?
She brings the sun-
Who brings the spring.
Who brings the birds,
You start to sing.
They sing your name no more.
The name they sings not yours.
I'm repure.
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